i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
