i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
