Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
