So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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