im having a threesome with these popsicles
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
