I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
