you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
