My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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