i can't believe i had my finger in that
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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