i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
