Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
