Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
