He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
