I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
BRING THE BAGELS
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
