I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
