she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
