He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
