Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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