I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
