you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
