Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
