This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
it's like iHOP with fire
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
