Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
