I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
