She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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