we're blogging at a bar
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
