some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
