watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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