Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I need a beard to bite.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
