Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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