marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
