Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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