your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
