I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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