Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
