The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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