guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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