For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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