So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
