if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
