yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
