So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
