Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
