just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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