two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
