Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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