He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
