Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
