Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
