You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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