I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
